Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
jump out the window naked night went bad
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