i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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