Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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