so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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