I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
