Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
