piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
