Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
