i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
