I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Of course I have a pirate flag
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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