who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Randomize