i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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