my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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