Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
