He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
