3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
