My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
