your thong is hanging out like whoa
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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