walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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