Come see our sink grown plant.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
