why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
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stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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