why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
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you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
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