you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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