yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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