Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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