I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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