Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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