I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
