I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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