Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
