drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
