Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The power of my boobs compel you
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
