Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
