After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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