If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Less talking, more tequila
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
