i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
How does one acquire holy water?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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