I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
