I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I understand Curling. That high.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
