I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
