Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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