Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
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is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
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Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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