i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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