my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
