Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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