Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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