I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
