I'd wear matching sweaters with you
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
