I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
