Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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