drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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