I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
FUCK WHALES
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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