He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
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