My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
