I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
