I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
