New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
