Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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